Posts Tagged ‘Confidence’

5 things you should never say or think…

ktadmin Posted in Karate, State of Mind, Training notes,Tags: , , , , , , ,
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We live in a sensitive world. That doesn’t make it right. Below are 5 things people say almost daily that most people find “acceptable”. That doesn’t make it right. I was raised in a sticks-and-stones household. I went to a sticks-and-stones high school. For some the term sticks-and-stones may be a foreign concept, that is sad. For you, it means that “sticks and stones” (and fists and feet) will hurt me. Words only have the power I assign to them. It means be a Man and get a thick skin, actions speak louder than words. It also means be truthful, honest and responsible or you will be called out.

Sadly this is a nearly dead culture in America today, I would guess in most of the world too. Still not understanding what I am getting at? Here are 5 things you should never say or think, but they are very prevalent in society today. If you are a Karate practitioner, you should be familiar with this list, if you aren’t your training may not be complete or your Sensei finds them acceptable.

“I can’t do that.”

If somebody had said this he would’ve found himself challenged and forced to the attempt and success. Unless a physical handicap is present, replace your “can” or “can’t,” with “will” or “won’t.” There’s always a way. Find it.

“Sorry I’m late.”

You don’t hear this in a culture of accountability because expectations are set, and if they’re not met then there are repercussions. Not to say that expectations don’t change, but it’s not for a lack of effort in fulfilling them.

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

Seriously, Feelings? What’s that?

“I don’t know.”

While admitting uncertainty is perfectly fine, the statement alone leaves much to be desired. Instead, try saying “I don’t know yet, but I’ll find out and get back to you.” This latter part is what demonstrates a proactive mindset and a willingness to work, rather than leaving your ambition open to interpretation.

“Let’s talk this out.”

stop-be-a-manThere is nothing like the camaraderie. Nothing else even comes close to paralleling the tight bond, unity and cohesion found amongst men you train with. Having said that, some people just need a good whoopin’ once in a while to keep egos in check, and fellow students and friends are no different. Confronting difficult issues and learning from them is what turns mediocrity into greatness.

Thanks to this article for giving me the basis for this post.

Following isn’t just for Twitter…

ktadmin Posted in Religion,Tags: , , , ,
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follow-me-really

Tie that Belt like a Pro

ktadmin Posted in Karate, Technique,Tags: , ,
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Everyone seems to have trouble with this (except perhaps Boyscouts!) but it is really easy once you know how to do it (like everything!)

Here is the step-by-step instructions:

tie-belt

Keep your head in the game

ktadmin Posted in A Zen Thing, State of Mind, Training notes,Tags: , , , ,
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Your Legs are not giving out;
Your Mind is giving up.

Defeat is easy. There are always a million excuses lying around for you to grab onto. We typically defeat ourselves, but that moment before we allow defeat there is an opportunity to be better than you are. Face it your mind wants to give up before my body does, all you need to do is utter the phrase…I can’t… Be better than you are, say yes I can, instead and tough it out. This applies during Training, on the Mat or in Life.

Keep your head in the game, say I can…and believe it. If you truly can’t, you need to be honest about why not and work to overcome the reason. “I can’t” means you won’t because it is the easier way. Take the road less travelled, …because you can…

Sending the Right Message

ktadmin Posted in Politics, Self-Defense,Tags: , , , , ,
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Self-Defense demands a strong posture that sends a message that you are not an easy target and that if you mess with me you aren’t going to have an easy time of it.  Perhaps the best example of this is the Texas Tan line…

texastanline

They say a picture is worth a thousand words…

A Horrible Tragedy

ktadmin Posted in Articles of Interest, Control, State of Mind, Video,Tags: , , , ,
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I almost didn’t share this because of how traumatic it is, but the potential to raise everyone’s safety awareness out weighs the uncomfortableness of the video.  To often we joke about the Darwin Award winners, when in reality each of them could have been one of us, caught in a perfect storm of situation, and not thinking things through.  Hopefully this video will give everyone pause and help them to remember, safety first, even when things seem safe and you seem in control.  The video speaks for itself so I won’t beat a dead horse (perhaps not the best choice of words but it fits).

Stay safe out there…

Results – Get Some

ktadmin Posted in Awareness, Questions, State of Mind, Training notes,Tags: , , ,
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The image says it all.  Think about it and then truly ask yourself if you are doing the work to get the results you want?

Meditation Point #132 – Crisis

ktadmin Posted in A Zen Thing,Tags: , , ,
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A friend of mine is going through a very difficult time.  It is hard watching someone deal with a crisis in their life when there isn’t a lot you can do for them but be there for them as a friend.  I’ve been thinking about this fact for the past week and wondering if there was something else I could do, sadly there doesn’t seem to be.  But maybe I can help them and others in a way by exploring my thoughts and feeling surrounding the word Crisis.

Our English word “crisis” comes from the Greek word krisis, which means “opportunity.”

No one wants to deal with a crisis in their life, it is never pleasant regardless of the cause.  Crisis’s come in many different forms, those we cause ourselves and those that are thrust upon us.  Some are the result of our own actions while others fault of our own.  The form and the cause mean little when you are dealing with a crisis.  When in crisis the only goal is to emerge from the crisis intact.  I think that is where the “opportunity” part comes in that the Greek root speaks to.  Many time we do not control any part of the crisis we are dealing with, what we do control is how we handle the crisis.  How we handle (or deal with) a crisis is the where the opportunity comes in, because in dealing with a big or small crisis we have a chance to grow.  A crisis can crush our self-worth and self-esteem, but it can equally impart a new belief in ourselves.

More to come…

 

The Magnificent Exterior

ktadmin Posted in A Zen Thing, Quotes, State of Mind,Tags: , ,
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The brothers praised a monk before Abba Anthony. When the monk came to see him, Anthony wanted to know how he would bear insults, and seeing that he could not bear them at all, he said to him, “You are like a village magnificently decorated on the outside, but destroyed from within by robbers.”
— St. Antony The Great (Anthony of Egypt is the Patriarch of all the Desert Fathers and of all Monks.)

I Love this quote, it demonstrates that Abba Anthony was a tough character who could not stand for fake people and people who did not know who they were. Sticks & Stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you, that is the point being made in this quote, words are harmless to those who know their worth. That last part, “words are harmless to those who know their worth” is a slight play on words, there are two ways to read it, both are correct.

I leave the rest for your reflection and comments.

Sticks & Stones & …Words?!

ktadmin Posted in Articles of Interest, For Kids, Politics, Questions, State of Mind, Training notes,Tags: , , ,
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I got this notice in a Barnes & Noble advertisement (along with links to anti-bullying books).

OK, I know as a Martial Arts instructor and Self-Defense advocate I should be totally on board with the new Politically Correct drive to stop bullying, but this just goes to far.  I am very against this type of campaign.  I have never been afraid of words, haven’t met one yet that could do me any real physical damage.  Today our children are taught to treat words as dangerous tools, weapons capable of causing great personal injury (minus the bruising).  Though in fairness I should note that the term bully is being used interchangeably with bullying and picking on.

We are officially living the in Bizarro word of Seinfeld, Up is officially down, hot is now cold, sticks and stones won’t hurt you, and Men are the new Women.  Hmmm….  As a society we are failing our youth by …wimpifying them!  Some prefer the Pu..ification term but this is a family blog so will stick to Wimpification.  How far can we turn away from reality before we are forced to face that which we pretend can be solved with a slogan.  What is the point of this new campaign against bullies?  Bullies exist and will continue to exist forever…period.  Maybe tomorrow they will just speak in a nicer tone.  So what is the point?

Perhaps a better campaign would be ‘Sticks and Stones Will Break Your Bones and Names Will Never Hurt You‘.  Some moron forgot the Never and no one called him or her on it.  I know I am being harsh and probably ruffling a few feathers, to bad.  What we should be teaching our children is threefold; believe in yourself, stand up for yourself, and; keep things in perspective.  I know some are saying…Huh?  Let me explain.

Believe in yourself – Have some confidence in yourself.  You do this by knowing who you are.  Unfortunately many kids are brought up in such a void of morals and beliefs that they are encouraged to discover who they are, like they are lost?!  So what is a child to do who is given no direction or sense of self?  That’s right, listen to their peers.  If their peers tell them they are great, well then they must be.  If their peers tell them they are a loser, well they must be.  The PC (politically correct) crowd like the former but not the later situation.  The problem is not everyone can be great.  Perhaps it would be better to raise our children know who they are so that others will not have that much effect on them.  (Notice I said ‘that much’ as I understand it is impossible to completely unaffected).  But if the child (or adult) knows who they are and has a sense of their worth, they can knuckle down and get through this unpleasant chapter in their life (being bullied/picked on).

Stand up for yourself – But what if the person doesn’t back down?!  Good question.  We all win and lose some fights, the important thing is how we walk out of the room (chin up or head down).  I can speak from personal experience here; at a certain point it is much better to stand up for yourself.  I advocate defending yourself anytime someone touches you in a threatening way, no hesitations, you take control of the situation.  I am not advocating fighting over an insult or comment, take the source and ignore it.  That leads us to the final point…

Keep things in perspective – I always ask my students this question “do you value this persons opinion?” they invariably say No!  If you react to words then you must really value the opinion of the Bully’s opinion.  Though if you do not believe in yourself (see the first point) you might just hold anything anyone says about you as a possible truth. But if you stand up for yourself by not being affected by mean spirited words you can walk out with your head held high, chin up.  There are to many techniques to cover now on deflecting insults and such.

Bullying and ‘Picking-on’ each other is a normal part of growing up.  It is the ugly truth.  Should we step in and engage kids when we can, yes but not at the risk of making them a bunch of wimps.  There is an old movie, The Bells of St. Mary’s, that shows the differences of how things have changed.  In the movie Father O’Malley and Sister Benedict differ on how to handle the school wimp and the school bully.  The Sister adopts Father O’Malley’s approach, she helps the wimp stand up for himself.  If we simply correct the Bully, the wimp is still just a wimp without a bully.

Perhaps that is something you will think about when (if) you listen to what your children are being taught the school of political correctness.

And let’s not forget to place the blame where it really belongs for raising abusive bully’s…their parents…bully’s don’t just happen, they are raised.  Regardless we have to learn to deal with Bully’s…