Molly’s Lesson

Sensei Post in Self-Defense

In surfing the web I came across an interesting web site dedicated to a murdered woman named Molly Wrazen. The site lays out compelling evidence that Molly was murdered by her ex-boyfriend/fiance who just happened to be a police officer. The site details even further what very much appears to be a cover-up by the police of the murder. This is a sad story that I hope people read. If you ignore the specifics this reads like so many domestic abuse and murder cases. The term domestic violence is an unusual choice of words since there is nothing domestic (def: devoted to home duties and pleasures) about violence or at least there should not be! So why is it domestic violence an ever present problem? That is much to large a topic for this forum but let’s look at Molly’s case and see what we can learn. Molly was a nice, professional woman with no enemies. Then she became involved with Justin and her life was never the same, nor would it continue. So were there signs that Molly could have taken note of that may have saved her life? Well sitting here looking back with 20/20 vision we can say absolutely. But it is never fair to sit in judgement as we don’t know what we will do in a given situation just what we hope we will do.
Molly’s problem was the problem of the lobster. What? Lobster? Well, Molly was placed in a situation that was actually rather pleasant to begin with, then slowly over time, events began to spin out of control…her control. So what does that have to do with a lobster? Well, if you place a lobster in a pot of nice cool water, put the pot on the stove and turn the heat up, that poor lobster never knows what he’s in for until it’s to late. That is because he doesn’t notice the temperature rising at first. Once he does he probably figures it isn’t anything to worry about and that it is only temporary. By the time he knows he needs to be worried it is to late. Chances are he never even has time to realize that he is in trouble. Dropping the lobster in boiling water, that’s like a mugging or rape, it happens suddenly you immediately know there is danger and you never try to rationalize that the situation may get better. Molly was like the lobster in that she kept trying to work with the situation she was in. She acted like a rational person in an irrational situation, a situation she couldn’t fathom.
You see, from what is written it appears Molly never looked at the situation from any perspective other then her own. She didn’t consider her assailant may not be playing by the same rules.
Perspective is an important thing to have, it allows us to deal with those who think differently then us. Perspective allows us to see the world through the eyes of others. It is an excellent problem solving tool. Perspective is difficult to truly attain unless you have an open heart, an open mind and imagination. So Molly lacked perspective because she could not imagine anyone behaving as her boyfriend did. I must believe that she kept thinking he would change, see how unreasonable he was being and leave her alone. If only she could get him to understand that she didn’t want to be with him. She was ignoring or couldn’t see the fact that he thought of her as a possession, a puppet for his pleasure. This innocence and lack of perspective surely served as a factor in placing her in harms way. Now countless battered spouses will tell you that running away and attempting to hide in another state often does nothing to deter the Wacko that is stalking you. But Molly did realize that was her next step, unfortunately to late. The one definite mistake she made was to cling to her humanity and write a Dear John letter to try to bring closure to the “relationship”.
I want to make it clear that I am not placing any blame on Molly, by all accounts she was a person we all wish we could call friend. I am hoping that by writing this I will raise awareness of Molly’s lack of justice (read her story) and that in posting this someone will read this and realize their own situation so they can escape Molly’s fate. Life is to short to spend your time in a negative and potentially abusive relationship. Regardless of what you may believe, have been told or the experiences you have had, people who love you do not belittle you, demean you, physically man-handle you, hurt you or put you down. People who love you show you support, protect you, nurture you and help you to succeed in life. Many times we may feel we cannot move on or like Molly we didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the other person. We always have a choice, though sometimes we have to wait for the right time, but the choice is always ours. If you relate to this story in any way, take your first step to self-defense, seek help and remove yourself from the situation. And please remember that hind sight is always 20/20 what is important is what we do with the knowledge from our bad experiences if we are given the chance. Perhaps if we stimulate enough conversation and thought about these tragedies we may help save the next Molly from a similar fate.

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