Ninja Mania continues to sweep the Nation and World…
This latest sighting is at the University of Utah where last week a Ninja has invaded the Associated Student primary elections. The Ninja claimed the most write-in votes, 34! In a rare interview the claimed that he would never reveal his identity, Ninja has not given his name or allowed himself to be photographed. Even if elected, Ninja said, he would never reveal his true identity. Ninja said he is running in the student government elections as a protest against the system. “I decided to run in the ASUU elections because I wanted to pad my résumé and get chicks,” Ninja said. “If elected, I will give preferential treatment to those who supported me. I will also fulfill some of my campaign promises, if I feel like it…maybe”. While remaining anonymous the Ninja does maintain a party Web site, www.ninjak.org, where the Ninja promises to give students free cupcakes every day, start an ASUU lottery and have a monorail system replace the campus shuttle system. He expresses opposition toward things such as poodles, women’s outerwear that looks like underwear and car mufflers that sound like kazoos. The Ninja Karaoke Opposition Party has not filed with the elections registrar in the traditional manner and is running as a write-in candidate. “ASUU has collected $2,660 in filing fees from candidates this year. We prefer to retain our funds to purchase katana blades and Doritos,” Ninja said. Ninja is not alone in his party — he said he has the backing of many students and a “vast secret ninja army.” On Ninja’s Web site, he warns, “Please give Ninja your full support so his vast secret army does not have to hunt you down in the night.” Ninja said he is known for his karaoke skills because students value candidates with the capacity to entertain. Although Ninja is a U student studying in an undisclosed college and living in an undisclosed location, he claims he hails from a mountain village in central Honshu, a Japanese island.
We wish this Anonymous candidate well in future ASUU elections but until then remember that somewhere lurking about campus, posting fliers, writing in sidewalk chalk, and taking names all in the dark of the night. He is only identified as Ninja, is he friend or foe? We leave that to you to decide…
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