Everyone Thinks You Failed

In life there are many definitions of Success and Failure, though most of these align along the lines of fame and fortune. People like to judge their success against others that they meet or read about. Comparisons are not a bad thing however when used to define our worth they can have very negative effects. In Society we also rank people and their success based on what we know about them.

What is funny is looks can be deceiving, as can the information people share about themselves. If we base our own worth, success or failure in our comparisons with people we barely know, we are on a destructive path that can only lead to failure because the success you seek is unattainable. What is terrible is so many people live like this. I know people who base their entire idea of success on wealth. These same people are not rich but they basically worship those that are, they have built up the facade of richness around them. One of them is so desperate to be rich they have stolen from a family member and swindled countless people. Even if they became millionaires tomorrow it wouldn’t be enough, their definition of success is unattainable.

Other’s definition and pursuit of success are less obvious. Running a Dojo, Teaching outreach programs and doing Corporate Training I meet a lot of people. Through that exposure you get a glimpse into people’s definition of success. People seem to think because you are doing something different that you are either a failure; others think you are an amazingly successful! Other people judge you based on a skill or knowledge that you have. Still others by what you do for a living. Interesting to me is the reaction to stay-at-home Moms, those who instead of a traditional job, instead run the house and raise the children. I see interactions with Stay-at-Home Moms and Women that chose to work and don’t stay at home. Working women often do not know what to say and come off as viewing these women as failures. A “is that all” type of reaction. (Note: I said chose because many women HAVE to work but would love to stay home with their kids.) These negative reactions often negatively impact the stay-at-home Moms and definitely limit the ability of friendships to form. I would argue the measure of Success is in the product of the child, unfortunately by the time we have proof it is to late to correct. But I digress and fall prey to my very topic…judgement!

My point above is there are many ways we MAKE ourselves feel like failures. There are also many ways we LET others make us feel like failures. Instead we should be defining our own success. That definition should not be set in stone because as we gain life experience our definition will change.

If we define our Success or Failure relative to how others see us, we will never feel worthy. Success isn’t something you can put on a wall or drive. Success is however a product, though not always a Tangible or Material one. It is a fruit borne of your work/effort. If you joined the 66795 push-up challenge and are sticking with it, then you are Successful, in that one thing. Success breeds more Success because each successful accomplishment increases your self-confidence to do more. There is only so much Success we can attain based on our own work/effort. Many might disagree but an honest view of reality bears this out. Accomplishment aka Success is the product of work/effort, timing, who you know and luck.

Everyone thinks you failed, but did you? Only you know and only you can define your success. I really like this video from Father Mark Goring relating the story of Saint Peter Chanel (1803-1841) who didn’t find success until after his death (you’ll have to watch the video for the details. He most likely thinking he was a failure, but he wasn’t.

I was raised and try to instill in my students the humility to greet each person with respect and dignity. Worrying about what other think is a form of insecurity and leads to peer pressure. Peer pressure never leads to humility, respect or dignity. As a Martial Artist you should practice humility as the Martial Way focuses on peace. One way to practice humility is not to take yourself so serious, acknowledging your ridiculousness or normal-ness and you will be on a true path of success and happiness. Here is Father Mark Goring again making my point for me!

May your path to Success be filled with failure for if you never waiver in your pursuit in those failures you will find success, even if it is not what you were looking for.
OSU!

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